BuzzStoc

Dear Meghan,
You posted on your column in The Daily Beast that you are having trouble finding a date. I’m not going to lie, I was a little confused because you can’t seem to decide whether you hate people that support Barack Obama or hate people that love your dad John McCain. You seem perplexed at the confusion that has now entered your world in this new post-election world. Well, Meghan, I’m here to solve all that.

While you titled the column “Looking for Mr. Far Right” I know what you really need is an independent. You asked rhetorically in your column, “Do they know I am Republican spawn”? I know Meghan. And you know what? I don’t care. I’m willing to look beyond labels and see you for the person that you are.

Like I said before, Meg – you don’t mind if I call you Meg, do you? – I’m an independent. You won’t have to worry about me quoting lines from Barack Obama’s books or election trail speeches. You won’t have to worry about me reciting your dad either. I appreciate Johnny Mac and the ol’ straight talk express too, and honestly, I think the guy is hilarious. But enough about that, let’s talk about you.

I want to know what you like. I want to know what turns you on. What’s that? You love a man who believes that providing federally funded social services to out of work deadbeats and unwed single mothers is nothing more than covert, surreptitious, Cold War-era socialism? Me too. The warfare industrial complex is just a figment of the loony left brought on by excess espresso inhalation and we should stay in Iraq 100 more years if we have to? Well, I couldn’t agree more. Nice alliteration by the way. You’re so smart Meghan.

And don’t worry about my facebook page. I know you said you didn’t like a guy in groups like “One Million Strong For Barack Obama” and “I Have More Foreign Policy Experience Than Sarah Palin,” but I’m not even in any facebook groups. I know you think Sarah Palin is “super chill” and so do I.

I know zealous supporters and admirers of your mom and dad make you a little nervous, but you really are my first choice. Sure, I think Cindy’s a hot older lady, but I’m really way more into the moderately overweight, younger version of her, minus the pearls. Translation: you. I love that you’re so committed to Republican ideals like fighting affirmative action, and I’m sure your last name had nothing to do with the job you got at The Daily Beast. After all McCainBloggette.com is ranked a solid 335,409 on Alexa, that’s 500,217 better than my website.

So, give me a call Meghan. I’m only 500 miles away from Phoenix. Your dad might not be too thrilled about you in a long distance relationship, but he’s all the way in Washington, so we don’t even have to tell him.

Meghan McCain - Free Legal Forms

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