How NOT to Stage a Bigfoot Hoax-5 Lessons

Video camera? Check. Rented wookie costume? Check. A few buddies that share your inexplicable desire to fool the world into believing you saw bigfoot? Check and mate. That’s what most would-be hoaxers think, but we’ve spotted a few mistakes in their methods. If you’re serious about staging a Bigfoot hoax, take a lesson from their missteps and don’t do these five things.

Lesson #1: Don’t Let Them See Your Seams

We’re sure your mom spent a long time sewing that costume, so don’t let her efforts be in vain! Some jackasses from Siskyou County, California filmed a video they thought would be too blurry to dismiss (sound logic, guys), but they failed to realize their supposed Bigfoot shows different colors on his “fur”, indicative of clothing. Nice try, but remember: Bigfoot and couture don’t mix.

Lesson #2: Don’t Change Your Story When Talking to the Press

When speaking to the press or the public, you’ll be working against the assumption that you’re some desperate loser or worse, batshit insane. The best way you can dispell these notions is by keeping your story straight. A Texan named Danny Sweeten who shot video of an alleged Sasquatch claimed the beast knocked his teeth out. Later the story changed to the beast knocking them loose, and even later a dentist removed them. In the end, though, Sweeten was still a toothless hick with fake Bigfoot video.

Lesson #3: Don’t Use an Animal with Smaller Feet

When making foot or body casts, avoid animals that are smaller than Bigfoot is supposed to be. The Infamous Skookum cast used an elk to create a fake Bigfoot body outline, while the Nape Cast was obviously made by human hands. Seriously, an elk? A human hand? This is Bigfoot, not Littlefoot or Mediumfoot. Think big, people.

Lesson #4: Don’t Buy Your Materials from Someone Who Will Recognize You

Hans Mobius thought he had everyone fooled with his Bigfoot footage, but when a reporter started asking questions, his hoax was revealed. The reported went to a local costume shop and asked if anyone had bought a gorilla suit recently. The clerk said someone had, and ultimately identified Mobius as the buyer. If you’re forced to get a costume at a local shop like Mobius, at least wear a costume during your costume shopping (No, not a Bigfoot costume).

Lesson #5: Don’t Promise What You Can’t Deliver

The much anticipated press conference about the alleged Bigfoot corpse in a freezer came and went, but where was the promised DNA evidence? The same place it has always been: in the land of Make-Believe. It seems the perpetrators Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer got taken in by their own lies. The real lesson here is not to believe your own bullshit; when Bigfoot is involved, that’s a mighty big turd.

Update: The Whitton/Dyer Bigfoot has been definitely proven to be a hoax. Surprise, surprise.